Tales from the Front Pew, Chapter 11

Abigail has a new friend.

LeiAnna, who is nine years old, was adopted a month ago by close friends of ours. LeiAnna is busy adapting to a completely new culture, language, and family, and they are going through what we went through about a year and a half ago. Lots of adjustments and you never know what is going to happen.

One of those adjustments is sitting through church services. Orphanage children generally do not sit through church services, so this is a new adjustment for them. One of the big things is just keeping the child from being too distracting to others while a stranger stands in front and speaks for a half hour or more in a language that she doesn't understand.

This past Sunday evening, Abigail was delighted when LeiAnna was seated right next to her. They became friends almost instantly when LeiAnna came home from China and they are always excited to see each other.

The two girls held hands through much of the church service. During the prayer, I was distracted by Abigail's hand hitting my leg. Abigail is an inquisitive child, with lots of questions, so she taps me regularly with a question. But this was not her usual soft tap. It was a full backhand slap. I was about to ask her what was wrong when I saw LeiAnna grab Abigail's hand and wind up for another swing at my leg. I quickly grabbed Abigail's hand, which seemed to satisfy LeiAnna. LeiAnna was holding Abigail's other hand as well as her dad's hand, who was seated next to her. Apparently, in LeiAnna's household, they hold hands during prayer, so LeiAnna thought everyone held hands during prayer. Seeing that Abigail and I were not holding hands, she sought to rectify the situation.

We have been observing the adjustments that have been happening in that family for the last month with interest, not because we enjoy seeing them go through difficult adjustments but because we have been there and can sympathize with them, and also because it confirms for us that what we went through over a year ago was actually sort of normal when adopting an older child. We really weren't such a nutty family as we appeared to be.

So getting slugged during prayer in church was not all that abnormal after all.

Joyful Noise

A year ago, Abigail could not speak the language. Life for her at that time was a blur, in fact she remembers very little of the month after we returned from China. A year later (yesterday evening), she was singing a solo in front of a large church. She loved it. She wants to do it again.

God is good.

Pictures and a video clip below...


Abigail is the one with the pink shirt and big smile (circled):

In the following video clip, Abigail is the first to sing...

The Missing Day

Last year, we didn't have a November 5. We went right from November 4 to November 6. So this year I'll sit and bask in the November five-iness for a while to make up for last year.

We left last year on November 4 and arrived in Beijing on November 6, heading into an adventure that we had no idea how it would turn out. It was, and continues to be, quite an adventure. A few days from our missing November 5, on November 10, we stepped off the train after an 11-hour overnight train trip in Xi'an in central China. Later that day, we met our daughter for the first time. She has been with us ever since, and we have not been the same since. Abigail certainly added a whole new dynamic to our family. We thank God for our newest family member and the progress she has made. In just one short year, she has learned to speak English, she has learned how to live in a family, she is making strides academically, and she is growing physically.

What a difference a year makes.

Nine Months

Nine months ago today, we picked up a scared little girl on a street corner in Xi'An, China. I've written about this a couple times before, but what I have not written about so far was what happened immediately after we received Abigail at the Civil Affairs Office in Xi'An. It was nothing big or momentous, but it was an indication of how this whole adoption process goes.

In a nutshell, the way ahead is dark, and you never know what is going to happen next.

After we left the Civil Affairs Office, we needed to have a picture taken for the adoption certificate. Our guide, Jane, finally coaxed a very reluctant Abigail to hold my hand, so with Abigail walking very stiffly and sullenly beside me, we set off towards our hotel.

It was past dusk by this time, and the place where the picture was to be taken was on the way back to the hotel, according to Jane. I have no idea if this was actually true, because of all the twists and turns we took during the journey.

Jane led us down a few very dark and very narrow streets. Many times we had to walk on the street itself because the sidewalk was still crowded with vendors packing up their wares, parked cars, and other things we couldn't identify. When the occasional car went by, we almost had to flatten ourselves against a building to make room.

The gloom, the dark buildings towering over the narrow streets, the occasional brackish water standing in the low spots, and our unknown destination all combined to give me the feeling that I was playing a part in some B-rate gumshoe detective movie, only I had no idea of the plot or the outcome.

That feeling was reinforced by our destination, a nondescript door in a building that opened to a dimly lit stairway. The stairs were only wide enough for two abreast, and Abigail balked that Jane was not able to walk beside her up the stairs. We finally convinced her to hold my hand up the stairs, and we arrived in a tiny room that really didn't look like a photography studio.

The only thing missing from my detective picture was the skinny guy with his feet up on the big wooden desk smoking a cigar, and the ceiling fan spinning slowly overhead. Instead, there was an older Chinese man, who ushered us through the cluttered room into the next room, equally tiny and cluttered. This room had a camera, a few chairs, and a big white box, and we were arranged on the box and our picture was taken.

It was a bit of a test of wills to get everyone arranged to actually take the picture. Abigail, who was quite scared and very tired, just wanted to cling to Jane, but Jane was not supposed to be in the picture. Abigail did manage some semblance of a smile and we even managed some semblance of a smile despite the stress of the day, and we were heading back down the stairs in about ten minutes. Back in our hotel, the next test of wills was getting Abigail to brush her teeth.

The whole thing seems a bit surreal now, like some half-remembered dream.

In the nine months since then we've been asked many times how it's going. The easy answer is "fine". Abigail is a generally happy ten-year-old, usually eager to help out. She loves her friends, loves her family, and is particularly interested in how the family all fits together. We've had several family get-togethers since she has been home and she wants to know just how each person is related. She will ask about each person multiple times, which can get a little tiring when the get-together consists of over 60 people. Family is important to her, so it was fitting that she was able to be in the extended family picture from our family reunion in May.

She sleeps well, eats well; her English is coming amazingly well, and she likes to learn. Most of the time, she will have a smile on her face, and she loves to tease.

The undercurrents are a little harder to describe. I don't wish to publish lots of detail on the Internet, but suffice it to say that family relationships have been and continue to be buffeted strongly by these undercurrents. In engineering terms, if a disturbance is introduced into a stable system, the system will oscillate for a while before becoming stable again. We're very much in the oscillation stage. We're working towards stability again, but we're not there yet. We can only take things one day at a time, and plant our feet firmly on the Solid Rock, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

By casting our cares on his mercy each day, we will soldier on, knowing that He will carry us through. We look forward to what He will do in the next three months and beyond...

Milestones

We've hit a milestone in our family. Abigail can now ride a bike. We've been working on this for a few months now, first with a scooter in the basement while the snow was still on the ground, then with her on the tagalong behind my bike and then practicing, practicing, practicing on her own bike, with one of us running along beside holding her up. Usually it was at some crazy angle where letting go would have resulted in instant ground-contact, but gradually she could go ten to twenty feet on her own on a straight, flat surface.

Yesterday things sort-of clicked. Deb had her in the church parking lot near our home and she took off and went round and round and round, with a huge smile on her face. She even figured out how to start on her own and come to a controlled stop. I took her out again later in the evening and she did several more laps.

She was thrilled. And so were we.

The 4th Tradition

We've had a tradition for the 4th, something we've done for years. This year, Abigail got to participate in the tradition. We will outfit our bicycles with whatever lights we can scrounge up: red lights from the parts bin on the back of the bike, powered by a cordless drill battery, and small flashlights duct-taped to our helmets, and head off to the Grandville fireworks display, about two miles away. Our bikes are packed with a blanket to sit on, snacks, sparklers, and whatever else we think to take along. We usually leave around 8:30pm, and claim our square of grass in the park next to Grandville Middle School, just off the bike path.

Abigail has been looking forward to this for a long time, and for this day she could hardly stand the wait. We heard the question "Is it time to go?" about a zillion times. She wanted to cut everything short so that we could get going. I think all the scurrying around and preparing things only heightens the anticipation.

We had her outfitted with a red blinker light clipped to the back of her pants, which she thought was really cool. She had to show us how it worked many times, turning it on and off and watching it blink.

When we finally claimed our spot on the grass, she wanted to play on the nearby playground for a while. The entire area was crowded and there was lots of noise from people talking, yelling, and setting off firecrackers. It didn't phase her a bit. Having spent time in several big cities in China, I can see why. Crowds are the norm.

She enjoyed her two boxes of sparklers as it began to get dark, but what she really liked were the flexible glow-sticks. These are the things you see people walking around the crowds and trying to sell for way too much money. Deb had found a box of a dozen of them for a dollar at a local store a couple weeks ago and figured they would be a good thing to head off having little girls asking for the overpriced ones on the day of the fireworks.

She soon had them around her neck, ankles, wrists, and waist. She also made sure that I had one, that Deb had one, and that Josh had one. Even after the fireworks started, she was busy rearranging the colors and sizes, making hats and bracelets. Never mind the fireworks, she had seen those before in China. This was something new.


When the fireworks ended, then it was time to move. With our blinkers on and our helmet flashlights on, we headed off down the bike trail towards home. Abigail wanted to play with her glowing bracelets, but needed to hang on to the bike to keep from falling off.

The nice thing about bikes is that we just ride past the snarl of traffic all trying to go home. We can be home and in bed before most people even make it out of the parking lot. Even so, it was nearly 11:30 when we arrived home. Abigail thought that was a hoot. Staying up way past bedtime. And she got to wear her glow sticks to bed.

We peeked in the window a little while later. She was still awake, playing with the glow sticks. I don't know how long it took her to get to sleep, but it was one of those special days when bedtime rules are set aside and the normal routine is broken up for a fun activity.

The trouble is, the next day we had an extended family get-together at a state park, and the day after that was her birthday. She's going to think that all we do around here is party.

I LOVE to Paint

"I LOVE to paint," says Abigail. And, indeed, she has been helping with quite a bit of painting lately. She also likes the wages that come with it. Spending money--a rather new concept for her.


We'll see how she feels after she has done as much painting as David. David is less enthusiastic about painting. And it's not improving with experience for him. He likes painting even less than he likes scraping. He and Josh are the lucky ones who get to paint the entire exterior of the building, first with primer, then with the final color.

Adoption Alfresco Dining

Our church's adoption/orphan/foster care ministry team blessed us with a delectable dinner tonight. Since it's been six months since we brought Abigail home, they decided it was time for us to celebrate and be doted on. Nancy came and set a beautiful table for us with fresh flowers, linens and dishes. Jamie prepared an absolutely delectable meal. Usually when you have a fine meal at a restaurant, it might be good, but it seems like there's never enough. Such was not the case tonight. It was delicious and we had plenty to eat. We loved the toasted pecans in the salad and the fresh asparagus spears. The parmesan chicken smothered with garlic butter sauce was delightful.




Yes, they were as yummy as they look!

And Abigail had the last strawberry. She enjoyed it immensely.

Past Tense

Now that Abigail can speak the language adequately enough to hold a conversation, we're starting to discover things about her past. She told us last night that she had two meals a day.

In the orphanage, her hair was always kept short. We have pictures of her with a buzz cut. She said she didn't like the short hair and she wants it down to the middle of her back. So we're letting it grow out, but keeping the bangs in check. This concept of longer hair is unique and fun for her. I trimmed her bangs last night to keep them out of her eyes. After I had wet her hair, she shook her head like a dog shakes itself off and flung water all over the kitchen. She thought that was uproariously funny. This is what she looked like after the big shakeout:

Six Months

Six months ago, we stepped off the plane as a family of five. Our newest family member, 9-year-old Abigail, joined us in Xi'an, China and then accompanied us for the next two weeks as we traveled across China to complete the adoption paperwork.

The immersion began the next day.

We communicated using some basic words of English that Abigail had learned from us in China, a few words of Chinese, and lots of pantomime. I'm sure that someone who didn't know the situation would think we were some sort of nutty family, speaking unintelligibly and gestulating wildly to each other. A few times while trying to communicate something, Abigail motioned for a piece of paper, and then wrote out what she was trying to say. She then pointed at the neatly written Chinese characters and looked at me expectantly. Had it not been so frustrating, I probably would have burst out laughing. I don't read Chinese any more than I speak it.

It's small wonder that she clocked in over 12 hours of sleep per night and ate more than my teenage boys. Learning a new language, culture, family, friends and strange foods takes a tremendous amount of energy.

Over the last six months she has lived a lifetime of changes and new experiences. It took a while to get her used to the novel idea of home schooling, and we are still working on how that all works, but she is making good progress in several subjects. She tends to soak up all available time and it's good that we have other children who can work rather independently.

I have noticed a big decline on available leftovers for my lunch, as Abigail will usually eat them for breakfast. As long as it's hot, she wants it. So she will have anything from pizza to lasagna to soup to pasta salad to start the day. When there isn't any "left stuff", as she calls leftovers, then she will have instant noodles. For a family that has cold cereal and muffins for breakfast, this took a little getting used to.

Abigail is fitting herself into our family and blossoming in many ways. She has acquired quite a bit of language now, and likes nothing better than to talk with people. When we put her to bed, she stalls as long as possible by asking questions and talking about nearly anything. She also is establishing herself as the family sheep dog. "Scoot!", she told Deb when it was time to leave for church. She will round up the boys when it is time to go home with a singsong "Time to go!"

She loves music, and loves to have someone read to her, especially from her Bible story book. She is the first to remind us at the end of the day if we haven't read her a Bible story yet.

We are seeing more personality come to light with each passing day. Abigail is a curious, happy and energetic little girl who loves to be around people. Our Friend family reunion in May was one of the highlights of the last several weeks for her as she was able to meet the rest of her cousins.

Our family life has actually settled into some form of chaotic routine, and we are grateful to God for bringing us this far. We may not know what the future holds, but He does, and we are content to live life the way we have been living it for the last six months: One day at a time.

Travel Approval

I just KNEW it would have to happen today. I could feel it in my bones. And it did happen today, just as I predicted.

We just received our Travel Approval from China, meaning things now shift into high gear. This is the last document necessary for a trip to China to bring our daughter home. We will be tentatively leaving on November 7 for China, and returning to the USA on November 19. We will probably meet our 9-year-old daughter for the first time on November 9. Once we get a visa appointment in place in China, then these dates will firm up and we can make actual travel plans. This should happen in a couple days.

You can follow our adventures in China on our travel journal here.

The trouble is, I just KNEW it had to happen yesterday, and I could feel in my bones that it would happen last Friday. I've been having these feelings for the last three weeks.

Hopefully I make a better dad than a prophet.

Letter of Confirmation

A long awaited milestone in our adoption process has arrived.

We just received our Letter of Confirmation (LOC) from the CCAA in China, which is basically a letter that we sign indicating that we still wish to go through with this adoption process. This gets sent back to China, and after they sit on it for a week or three, they will issue a Travel Authorization (TA), at which point we can begin to make travel plans.

Receiving this letter means all the long wait times are over. Up till now, the wait times have been measured in months, now we're down to mere weeks while we wait for our Travel Authorization. We will most likely travel just a few weeks after the TA arrives (perhaps in October). Stay Tuned...

A Long Distance Birthday

Abigail turned 9 a few days ago. We threw a party for her and gave her some gifts. She is wearing her new outfit in this picture, one of her gifts. I only wish we could have been there. We could only observe using the pictures that were sent to us from twelve time zones away.

We were grateful for the pictures, though. Being separated by half of a world, different languages, and different cultures, the amount of information we are able to receive is quite small, so this was a welcome glimpse into her life and a few of the others at the orphanage.

Dossier to China

Our dossier is officially on its way to China. Various portions of it have been "authenticated" at the China consulates in Chicago and San Francisco and now, having been gathered together again as one big sheaf of documents again, was express mailed to our adoption agency's office in Beijing. From there it should be just a few days before being submitted to the CCAA. And then the next wait cycle begins. If the normal estimated time frames are used, we should be able to travel sometime in October.

Meanwhile, Abigail will be celebrating her 9th birthday on July 6. Being separated by twelve time zones, we won't be able to celebrate it with her, but we'll be sending a care package to her. She will at least have some pictures of her family on that day.

Dossier Away!

This morning I packaged up what amounted to about five months of work, copied in fourplicate (that's one more than triplicate), and notarized, certified (there may be a few more "ied" terms that are applicable), a bunch of required photographs, checklists, and a few other sundry items, and stuffed the whole business into a FedEx small box.

Each step of the way has added more value to that sheaf of papers, from the 51-page questionnaires that Deb and I each had to fill out for the homestudy, to the medical exams, to the numerous trips to the bank to have documents notarized. Add to this trips to be fingerprinted, loads of information to be digested from our adoption agency, not one, but two trips into Grand Rapids Secretary of State's office to certify all the documents and varying amounts of cash for many of these steps.

But the most valuable thing that package represents is an 8-year-old girl waiting in a Chinese orphanage, waiting for her Dad, Mom and two older brothers to come and pick her up and take her home to join the family.

All this, in a FedEx small box, which is now on its way to begin the next phase of the adoption process.

Please handle with care.

FDL

Today we received a letter from the US Department of Homeland Security. It was the long-awaited FDL, or Favorable Determination Letter. This single page sheet was the culmination of nearly 11 weeks of waiting, a trip across town to be fingerprinted, a rather hefty application fee, and a rather large set of documents that were sent in near the end of February.

The next step now is to get state certifications for this and most of the other documents in our dossier, make several copies of the whole business, and then ship the stack of papers to our adoption agency so it can be authenticated, translated, spindled and mutilated and finally sent off to China.

Initial Contact

We received an email from China today. I had contacted a woman who lives in Beijing and she put in a phone call to the orphanage where Abigail is at (did I mention that we have decided to name her Abigail?). I had Angela (the person in Beijing) ask about ten questions of the orphanage staff. This also is usually the first indication that a child is being adopted, when the adoptive parents make some form of contact. After making the phone call, she emailed me back with the answers. Following is the text of her email:

From: angela
Sent: Fri 3/21/2008 9:30 AM
To: Friend, Tim
Subject: ??: Orphanage Phone Call {FRIEND}

Hi Tim and Deb,
Sorry it took so long! Here is what I got today.

1. Updated measurements: Height: 121cm [right at about 4 feet]; Weight: 22.5kg [50 lb.]; Head: 50cm; Chest: 59cm; Foot:18.5cm; Teeth:23

2. Any updated pictures?
We have taken many pictures for her. We will give them to the family when they come. (I have asked them to send me few through regular mail. I am hoping to get them next week. If so, I will scan and forward them to you as soon as I can).

3. Does she know she is being adopted? Could you let her know and explain the process to her?
She knows she is going to be adopted. We told her: Your Daddy and Mommy are Americans, they love you! They are coming to take you home soon in the future.

4. Does her name have any special meaning?
Her name was given by a doctor, no special meaning.

5. How is she doing in school? Are any subjects difficult for her?
Abigail gets along well with her school mates at school. She studies hard. She often helps other students. She likes to help others. Teachers and classmates all love her very much! She is especially good at Chinese subject. She has her own opinion and she often gets on her feet to speak. She gets praise from the teachers and classmates often. Her math and other subjects are on the ordinary level.

6. How would you describe her personality?
She is fairly extroverted, active and enjoys helping others.

7. What makes her happy?
To buy her new clothes and toys make her happy. Such as: Barbie dolls and stationery.

8. What makes her angry or upset?
If other children take away her favorite stuff, she will get angry and cry. But after uncles, and aunts talk to her, she will be fine soon.

9. Is she frightened of anything?
She is afraid of stuffed animals and worms.

They didn't answer last two questions. When you come to adopt her, you will get a copy of a finding ad. Make sure you ask them on the Gotcha day, in case there is no one. And on the Gotcha day, they will have a piece of paper tells you if there was anything left with her when she was found. Make sure you ask that, too.

Have a wonderful Easter!
Blessings,
Angela

We're putting together a care package to send to Abigail and it was good to receive this email because we had several stuffed animals in it. I wouldn't want to send along anything that she would be frightened of.

In the mean time, we are progressing on the new bedroom in the basement. I had a guy come out last week and cut an enormous hole in the concrete foundation wall of the house. I now have installed a daylight window and have been working on trimming it out today. The drywall is just about done and we should be able to start painting hopefully next week.

Today was the first full day of Spring here and Mother Nature celebrated by dumping six inches of wet snow on us (and counting; it is still snowing). We didn't make it to the Good Friday service at church because all the roads are pure ice. After sliding through a major intersection, we decided to just stay put at home. I'm hoping the snow won't stay around long. The large hole I dug in the back yard for the window is now full of snow, and I would like to install the window well sometime soon.